It happened in an instant – too short to be measured, too profound to be imagined.
In a single moment – too sudden, too prodigious, too spontaneous to be anything but fate – I saw it all.
In the blink of an eye I replayed every bit of it. Every time that I’d betrayed myself. Every time I’d denied an opportunity. Every time I’d put a stopper in my creative flow because I chose to turn away from the truth I felt in my gut.
It was all right there before me, all lined up in a row like spokes on a wheel that had been spinning as long as this current life has been in motion.
So many chances not taken. So many obstacles seen and yet still stumbled over. So many moments of alignment sacrificed to what? Was it fear? Was it doubt?
Or maybe I just wasn’t ready. Maybe I wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility. Maybe I wasn’t ready to own my role as a co-creator.
And maybe that’s okay.
It’s okay that I didn’t yet know the difference. I couldn’t yet distinguish between a gut feeling and a fear reaction. I couldn’t yet tell the difference between that inner knowing and a conditioned response.
After all, the knowing only becomes clearer as the buildup from those conditioned responses slowly chips away.
But then, when I was ready, it happened in an instant. In one instant it all became clear. And in the very next I let it all go. I let go of a lifetime of guilt and doubt. I released those feelings of inadequacy, and of frustration, for falling into the same potholes over and over again.
I forgave myself for all those times I confused fear with the knowing. I broke the cycle of repeated lessons because I chose to trust my gut and freed myself to learn new and bigger things.
And, most importantly, I once again learned the value of flowing with it, of letting my heart lead and trusting that my own inimitable path will get me there.
Once again, in the blink of an eye, my life had changed.
I guess some things can only come when you’re ready. And thats why, when you’re in the thick of it and can’t see your way out, you just have to do your best and, beyond that, trust in the process of your natural blooming.
© 2019 Cristen