Have you ever had so many things change at once that, in a single reflection, you realize you have no idea how you got here? And you’re not even sure yet where here is. You’re just sure that’s it’s not somewhere you’ve been before. The only thing that’s familiar is the sound of your own […]
I love the little things. Like natural light trickling through open blinds, or the way the painted sky calls me away, at least for a moment, nearly every morning and night. Books half read laying face down, waiting expectantly to be picked back up and adored again from the same page. I love getting lost […]
I think that for my entire life I have been looking for you, though I didn’t know it until now. I sought you out in the faces of co-workers and the arms of lovers. I denied you in the empty words of strangers who saw ‘too little’ and the distant looks of friends who saw […]
In matters of the heart I have never been able to settle on anything short of real. Sometimes I get distracted, but nothing but true intimacy long appeals. I need something that goes beyond. Beyond the trappings of social norms and roles, dramas, wounds, or masks. I guess I’m addition or quantum physics, depending on […]
You were my first. Not my first kiss. Not my first love, or my first pain. You weren’t my first sunshine, or my first rain. Not my first teacher it’s true, but you might have been the first to really get through. Your lessons were like a hammer against the remainder of my pride. Your […]
Every time you find yourself remembering what wasn’t there. Every time you have a moment of longing for all that you wished she could be. Lean all the way into it, then bring yourself back. Grab a hold of it, that feeling of love and security, with the same desperation that you would have had […]
No matter how many lessons I’ve gathered since that day. No matter if I tell myself you’re better off, spin it the right way. It’s true, besides you, I didn’t care for much of anything. It’s true you knew better, and I had to learn so many things. Lifetimes have come and past since I […]
Courage. So few people talk about how quiet it is. The word sounds so loud. Like the roar of a lion or the thunderous clapping of a waterfall. But courage, I’ve found, is quiet. And it starts out small. Like a single stilled moment in a whirlwind of thoughts. Or single statement uttered into the […]
Ashes and dust clouds of crumbled strongholds floating upon the very air. crimson trails of old blood, fragments of broken ideas are scattered everywhere. armor cracked and bent, arms and sword heavy; it’s not me that’s scared. heart and mind at the ready, something deep inside knowing that only the light will prevail. ©️ 2024 […]
I didn’t wake up feeling like a hero. Wrapped around a coffee cup, struggling to fight off the sleep still pulling at my eyelids and weighing on my shoulders, I felt more like the withering plant in need of saving. Waiting. Waiting for the sun to rise and energize again. I didn’t feel like a […]
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, they said. But it did kill me. It killed my sense of self worth. It killed my faith in myself. My faith in love. My faith in the world. It murdered my hopes and crushed the seeds of any dreams under its heel. Yes, I got stronger. But […]
So often I’ve heard people talk about what they would say to their younger self. And so many times when they look my way, expecting some deep and drawn out response, I stare blankly back. Unsure. Conflicted. Because every time I come to the conclusion that I wouldn’t want to change anything. Even the things […]
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