Fire Came Out

I opened my mouth to speak and fire came out. Then came that age old response.

The voice in my head that said stop. Don’t speak in anger. Don’t allow yourself to feel anger. Anger doesn’t help. Anger just triggers the other person.

Being angry means that you’re doing something wrong. You’re looking at it wrong. Thinking about it wrong. Don’t express it. Keep it inside. Keep it quiet.

But then something changed. I said no to that old programming. I called that old bluff and realized that not only was I ‘allowed’ to be angry, but also that I was and always have been fully capable of expressing it in a healthy way.

And what came next was amazing.

When I took that chance with someone who stayed open and present, that fire burned out in a flash and left something softer, something vulnerable in its place.

The fire was never there to destroy anything.

It was there to purify the space so my truth could come out. The truth that I was hurt and I had boundaries to draw. Without that fire, perhaps I never would have drawn them.

By following that old script, sure, I would have found that softness again. But it would have been at the expense of my voice. At the expense of that boundary. At the expense of my truth, and any hope of something better to come.

I opened my mouth to speak and and fire came out. And it burned a path for the water to follow.

©️ Cristen Writes