My Secret Prayer

Cristen Rodgers

My secret prayer for you, my friend, is that one day you can look without closing your eyes.  I hope you see that no matter how long you avert your gaze, the fresh wounds and the old scars remain; and so too do the mistakes you’ve made that caused others pain.

My secret prayer for you, my dear, is that by lighting a candle inside you will finally see the wounded child hiding away in there – and I hope you know that throwing judgements and criticisms will only make it scream louder.  I hope that you learn how to look at your pains without tearing them back open, and to see your wrongs without shying away, for neither denial nor disdain make for effective medicine.

My secret prayer for you, kind soul, is that one day you’ll stop throwing punches at your shadow long enough to realize that you’re just another person trying to figure it all out as they go.  I hope you can give yourself just a taste of the compassion that you give to others – that you admit to yourself that falling down is just a part of learning to walk, that mistakes are unavoidable, and that failures are never the end of the story.

I pray that someday you’ll realize that all of the criticisms, the judgments, and the blame were never yours to begin with and that it’s time to let them go.  I hope you see that those things were given to you by others, others who had wounds like yours that they wouldn’t let heal.  And I pray that you can forgive – forgive yourself for being cut and forgive those who wielded the knife, and most of all forgive yourself for the times when you were the one cutting.

My secret prayer for you, my friend, is that one day you make peace with all of who you have been so you can start picking up the pieces of who you are.  I hope you accept that what’s done is done, that you can’t retrace your steps to pick up the things you’ve lost along the way, but you can start to rebuild.  Then perhaps you will finally exhale that last bit of hurt and shrug off the last regrets that are still weighing you down.

My secret prayer is that you soon understand that being good doesn’t start with the things you’ve done or built, it doesn’t start with where you’ve been or who you’ve loved.  Being good starts with accepting who you are.  I hope one day to see you cry tears of relief rather than tears of sadness as you courageously approach the mirror of your soul, gaze straight into your own eyes and say, “I understand. I forgive you.  Let’s start again.”

My secret prayer is that you will be able to look at yourself with the casual glance of a well-acquainted friend and smile an absent smile at your stupid choices.  I hope that one bright, shining day you will be able to roll your eyes at your mistakes, and laugh a hardy laugh at your imperfections and shortcomings, knowing full well that this is often the only way to learn.

Above all else, my friend, I pray that you come to see that all pains are just separation from love, even your own secret ones.  And I hope the realization washes over you like a tidal wave that you don’t need an excuse to love yourself – that you can love yourself just because you need it.

I pray these things not only for your well-being but for the good of us all, because the world doesn’t need more people beating themselves up inside, making a bloody mess of their broken hearts and tattered shreds of their minds.  We have enough of that and all it brings is more pain.

The world needs more precious hearts like yours who finally choose to see the beauty of their scars and the light in their own eyes.  My secret prayer for you, my friend, is that you take all of that love and tenderness you show the world and you dare to turn it inside out.  And I will wait patiently and hope that I will be there to see, to stand witness on that day when you finally, fantastically set yourself free.  This is my secret prayer.

©2016 Cristen Rodgers

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40 Comments

    1. Yes; and that isn’t always easy to do. So many of us are conditioned to treat ourselves in ways that we would never treat others. I’m glad you liked it and I send you bright and beautiful blessings for the day!

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  5. Beautiful post and prayers Cristen. We can certainly benefit from turning a loving and compassionate gaze at ourselves and our perceived foibles. The phrase that came to me today is beauty unfolding in many disguises. blessings, Brad

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  10. Your post reminds me of accounts of NDE’s (Near-Death Experiences) I’ve read, about how the people who had “died” saw their lives in the presence of a loving Being, and they observed all their actions over their lifetime (good and bad) and saw it all with understanding and compassion. They did not feel “judged” in the sense that God was frowning at them and saying, “Look at how many times you screwed up!” But rather that He still loved them and forgave them and was helping them to see what they were supposed to learn from it all.

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  16. Pingback: Links To Some Uplifting Posts (3-12-2016) – My Daily Musing

  17. This is just the thing I need now, as I try again to tell my 9/11 story. It is about two of my biggest regrets. I regret giving up on homeschooling my severely autistic son, and I regret not listening to the voice that told me not to paint those Red Letters. A year and a half ago, I finally forgave myself, and that is what has freed me to write about it. Thank you.

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